Start Giving a Shit: How to get more clients, friends, and supporters.
People don't care how much you know until they know how much you care.
For 15 years, I worked as a minister in the church.
And now, I throw tantra parties with my partner.
The truth is, they're incredibly similar career paths except for the amount of clothing on during spiritual practices.
This means that my Master's Degree in Divinity actually goes over quite well. As it turns out, having a degree in devotion works really well when your intention is to give as much pleasure as you can for the growth and expansion of an individual during a tantric ritual.
It also means that I do a lot of grief consulting, spiritual direction, and re-orientation toward the divine while in the tantra community here in Houston.
I recently had a session in which the person was in tears because of the presence and dedication they felt. Like they had forgotten what it was like to feel like they were the only thing that mattered at that moment; that they'd forgotten how to be loved and loved well. They remembered that they themselves are divine, and that no power in the universe can take that away.
But you know what they hadn't forgotten? How good people are at giving (often unsolicited) advice.
Take a moment and think back on the last time someone gave you advice.
Today? Yesterday?
You probably don't have to think very far back to find a time when someone told you what you can, should, or ought to do. Did you ask for it? If you didn't... did you listen?
I'm so sorry for all the times you wanted to listen to your inner voice and felt like you had to take someone else's advice.
It's not fair that you couldn't figure it out on your own or ask for help when you needed it without getting reprimanded for not asking sooner.
You deserve to be able to make your own decisions without having to drown out someone else's voice.
So why do people give advice like it's a free sample at Costco?
Because we are products of an information-based culture: Everything we have known for the past 35 years has been based in rapid information consumption. Said another way... "if you don't know, now you know".
Pastoral and tantric work is not information-based, it is experience-based. You are not just giving information about a source, you are inviting people to plug into the source. But from whom the invitation arrives will decide its efficacy.
The session I had wasn't effective just because I knew a lot.
It was because of everything that happened before.
The work of ministry, business, community building, business building, and tantra are all bound by the same principle:
People don't care how much you know until they know how much you care.
The reason I was able to give the session the way I was came down to my ability to connect with their humanity well before the session was offered. It was because I saw their vision, the world they wanted to create, and validated that world was one I wanted to see come alive, and that I would support them in making it happen.
Unfortunately, our world has relegated care to a second-rate occupation. "Caretakers" like nurses, people in nursing homes, teachers, and yes, even most pastors (except the ones like Joel Osteen, fuck that guy) are not paid in proportion to the skill that it takes to do their job. In 2026, new-care based experiences have become more mainstream: reiki, body work, plant medicine, tantra, coaching, priestesses, facilitators of non-mainstream spiritual traditions, and so many more.
If you're one of these people mentioned above, the rule is deeply important for you.
What I see too often is:
Inviting people to "Come to my (event)!" on Instagram before anybody has even heard of what you're doing.
Contacting people out of the blue to sell them a product.
Listing off all your credentials on your website without getting to know who you're even speaking to.
Blasting your contacts with a Partiful invite but you haven't spoken to them in years.
And let me be clear, you can do whatever you want. I'm not the thought police.
I know you're trying your best. I know you're putting every bit of you out there, and that you might be scared you're doing it wrong.
You're not doing it wrong.
But, you can have more impact.
Care first. Educate later.
If you go back up a few paragraphs, you'll probably realize why you're more receptive to this.
I took some time to see you where you are, to give you the freedom to be cared for. To know, just for a moment, that someone else gets it.
And that gained me some trust.
Now when I tell you about the things I see too often, you probably won't see it as a personal attack or say to yourself "what does this guy know?"
You get to do the same with your people. What is it that makes them feel seen? Heard? Understood? Cared for?
If you can do that, then you can tell them what you know.
If you don't know who it is you're talking to, your person or your ideal client, then don't care enough yet to tell them what to do. Figure that out first.
And if you don't know where to start, that's what I'm here for.
Talk to Back-End Daddy and let's figure something out together.
